Knights of Walpurgis

I didn’t go to a gathering that I was initially invited

In Uncategorized on February 28, 2017 at 11:28 pm

Original article can be found here.

Just this night, some of my friends posted a picture of them going out. I was surprised because I do not know that there is such a thing. I asked, when was this and it was apparently happening right now. They, then, invited me at that time. Of course, I did not respond.

I believe that they are just being modest and try to invite me because I started asking questions already. In truth, they do not want me there as I was not initially invited. So I thought it would be awkward if I just went there.

Update: they added me later to this FB messenger thread and they were surprised that I was not part of the thread. I was even more surprised that such a thread exists! They posted their get-together in this thread which I am not a part of. The fact that they are surprised is kinda telling. It’s as if I don’t exist.

These are the comments:

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  1. yeah, i agree that they only invited you because you asked in the moment it was happening. though, i wouldnt be too quick to assume this is necessarily a bad thing. it doesnt really sound like a great sign, but you can never truly know someones intentions without asking, they might just not feel comfortable enough with you yet, or think youd even be interested in going. i know that we tend to assume people dont like us and all that shit, but we can be really standoffish, theres times that ive self-reflected and realized i wouldnt even want to be friends with myself, and changed the issues i found. dont take it too personally, but dont blame yourself either. just try to find a balance. see if you can build the relationship at all, if you feel no reciprocation, its alright, not everyone will get along, just continue being your best self, and you should be able to form some type of connection with someone you can better relate to. patience is the key here

  2. The fact that they added you to their messenger group indicates that they do like you and want you to be included in future events. Maybe it would have been awkward not to invite you to an event you were inquiring about, so I understand you feeling like they had to invite you. But if they really didn’t want you to come they could have said it was over already and they were leaving now, or any number of excuses. And they certainly didn’t need to tell you about their messenger group unless they wanted to. They could have kept it a secret if you were an outsider. But you’re not, you’re their friend.
    I agree with elnino that there are a lot of different reasons people don’t get invited to things. Sometimes events just come together spontaneously and only the people who had the idea go. Or there’s poor organization and people are bad at communicating so the message never makes it to someone who would have been perfectly welcome. Frequently people feel like someone else is responsible for passing along the invitation to a person not present during discussions, or that that person should “of course” know they are welcome, and invite themselves. Or maybe it seems like it’s not a particular person’s cup-of-tea, so they weren’t invited for that reason. I sometimes don’t invite someone if I think that they would feel obliged to accept, but secretly would hate the activity… because that’s how I feel when I am invited to something I won’t enjoy. I just figure I will seek that person out later for something that is fun to do with them.
    I know you are feeling rejected, but try not to draw too many conclusions from one event. Even though it is a typical AvPD thought that people feel obliged to be friendly, or are only including you out of politeness, this is really not the case. Although someone who is reserved will often get left out, because they are not pushing themselves forward, that doesn’t mean their company isn’t enjoyed.

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