Knights of Walpurgis

Posts Tagged ‘sleeplessness’

It’s Hard to Sleep Again

In Uncategorized on November 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Yeah. It is.

However, this time it is different. I believe that this time it is not insomnia. Just pure old annoyance at stuff. I do not believe in the psychobabble shit about depression causing insomnia and stuff like that.

I was able to devise an experiment where I tried different variables that cause my sleeplessness. Apparently, the timer in the air conditioning unit is the cause. This timer turns off the aircon after one and a half hours of operation and resumes again for the same amount of time. My body is capable of sensing when the aircon stops and I wake up in the middle of the night, frustrated about what has happened. I got rid of my siesta (afternoon sleep) in order for me to be sleep faster.

Last night, I went to bed at around 11:30 pm. I am still awake by 1 am because I checked the time at the clock when I went down from the bedroom to pee. I next woke up around 5:20 am though I am not sure if I really woke up or my insomnia is just continuing. It does not feel like four hours have elapsed since 1 am. Four hours is a pretty long span of time and if I really am awake for that long amount of time, I could feel it. More probably, I failed to sense that I was asleep and I just remembered the time that I woke up because of mosquito bites which seem to be a linear span of time without breaks in between. At 5:20 am, I cannot take it anymore and I turned on the aircon to drive away the insects. I am quite sure that I fell asleep since I did not feel the aircon’s cool wind (which should have turned on) between 1 am and 5:20 am


Insomniac…nah Car

In Uncategorized on October 28, 2010 at 12:38 pm

I think I am a conditional insomniac.

I hate what is happening to me. Sometimes I feel awful and depressed. No, depression is such a generic term nowadays. Everyone says they are depressed. The emo kids claim they are depressed and this is reflected in their ways of dressing up. They wear their hair on one side with their eye being covered which is said to be crying. They are almost whining about anything. They wear black clothing to signify the emotions welling deep inside them which are despair and angst. But, really, what do they know of these things?

What do they know of being truly depressed? It is not something that a person is proud of. I wish I am happy but I am not. My life is not going according to how I want it to be. You can say that I am basically in a situation where there is stability. When there is stability, the stable things get pushed on to the sidelines while the things that are on the rocks shine like the brightest star in the dark night. Like a white canvas with a blot of ink, anyone can easily the bad things that are happening without seeing the good. They call this pessimism. However, the opposite, optimism, is something problematic as well. It forgets the problems. Like a drug that takes you high into the clouds, you do not want to go back. You do not want to face reality.

Blogging is said to be a therapy to share the thoughts that I have. I really cannot say these things to anyone. Having a shrink costs a lot, you know? If I will get a shrink, It would be best not to do this at the present time. The people around me ask to much to the point that there is no privacy at all. I am trying my best to figure things out by myself.

Based on reflection, I concur that my problem stems from the lack of girls, lack of parties, absence of my own car and God letting me down. The absence of my own car is kind of misleading since I do not have my own car. I wish to own a car someday but, so far, there are no signs that God is helping me. I prayed to Him for me to have a car but He does not answer me. A car is not just a luxury but a symbol of freedom. A car takes you places. I want to go to places. Hell, I even had a dream about a car. It was just an ordinary red Japanese car except that I’m driving it inside the house and trying my best to get it out of the house. I did not even reason how the hell a car can get inside the house. Such dreams. I really want a car so bad. I just think that the waiting time for having a car makes it more worthwhile. However, there is a silver lining to not having a car. A car can also be a burden. A golden chain that is good to look at but still ties you to the rock of responsibility. There are also logistical concerns such as saving money for fuel and maintenance as well planning out the route before you even go out which is not tedious if public transportation is used.

So how does this all relate to insomnia? … Tune in for next time.